Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward

Fed Up Emotional Labor Women and the Way Forward From Gemma Hartley the journalist who ignited a national conversation on emotional labor comes Fed Up a bold dive into the unpaid invisible work women have shouldered for too long and an impassion

  • Title: Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward
  • Author: Gemma Hartley
  • ISBN: 0062855980
  • Page: 262
  • Format: Hardcover
  • From Gemma Hartley, the journalist who ignited a national conversation on emotional labor, comes Fed Up, a bold dive into the unpaid, invisible work women have shouldered for too long and an impassioned vision for creating a better future for us all.Day in, day out, women anticipate and manage the needs of others In relationships, we initiate the hard conversations At ho From Gemma Hartley, the journalist who ignited a national conversation on emotional labor, comes Fed Up, a bold dive into the unpaid, invisible work women have shouldered for too long and an impassioned vision for creating a better future for us all.Day in, day out, women anticipate and manage the needs of others In relationships, we initiate the hard conversations At home, we shoulder the mental load required to keep our households running At work, we moderate our tone, explaining patiently and speaking softly In the world, we step gingerly to keep ourselves safe We do this largely invisible, draining work whether we want to or not and we never clock out No wonder women everywhere are overtaxed, exhausted, and simply fed up.In her ultra viral article Women Aren t Nags We re Just Fed Up, shared by millions of readers, Gemma Hartley gave much needed voice to the frustration and anger experienced by countless women Now, in Fed Up, Hartley expands outward from the everyday frustrations of performing thankless emotional labor to illuminate how the expectation to do this work in all arenas private and public fuels gender inequality, limits our opportunities, steals our time, and adversely affects the quality of our lives.More than just name the problem, though, Hartley teases apart the cultural messaging that has led us here and asks how we can shift the load Rejecting easy solutions that don t ultimately move the needle, Hartley offers a nuanced, insightful guide to striking real balance, for true partnership in every aspect of our lives Reframing emotional labor not as a problem to be overcome, but as a genderless virtue men and women can all learn to channel in our quest to make a better, egalitarian world, Fed Up is surprising, intelligent, and empathetic essential reading for every woman who has had enough with feeling fed up Get A Copy Kindle Store Online StoresAudibleBarnes NobleWalmart eBooksApple BooksGoogle PlayAbebooksBook DepositoryIndigoAlibrisBetter World BooksIndieBoundLibraries Or buy for Hardcover, 272 pages Published November 13th 2018 by HarperOne More Details ISBN 0062855980 ISBN13 9780062855985 Edition Language English URL Other Editions 9 All Editions Add a New Edition Combine Less Detail edit details Friend Reviews To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up Reader QA To ask other readers questions about Fed Up, please sign up

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    Lists with This Book Feminist interest 2018 185 books 48 voters 2018 Non male Non Fiction 282 books 133 voters More lists with this book Community Reviews Showing 1 30 Rating details Sort Default Filter Dec 26, 2018 Emily May rated it it was ok Shelves 2018, nonfiction 2 stars.When I first saw the main title of this book those two words Fed Up before I even knew what the book was about, I thought of my mum I pictured her juggling the wants and needs of three kids after a day of work, arms full of laundry that she would load into the machine in between making us dinner I remembered distinctly the way she sometimes would find a rare moment to sit down and say with a tired sigh I m fed up Fed Up is for a modern woman than my mother My mum worked 2 stars.When I first saw the main title of this book those two words Fed Up before I even knew what the book was about, I thought of my mum I pictured her juggling the wants and needs of three kids after a day of work, arms full of laundry that she would load into the machine in between making us dinner I remembered distinctly the way she sometimes would find a rare moment to sit down and say with a tired sigh I m fed up Fed Up is for a modern woman than my mother My mum worked full time, did most of the household chores, and took on an immense emotional burden as well This book is talking to the women who have achieved what seems like a decent level of equality with their husbands or male partners, but still bear a disproportionate amount of the emotional burden.It is really important to factor in emotional labor when considering equality I m glad we re beginning to discuss it Hartley shares how her husband seems happy to do household chores, but it remains her responsibility to manage and delegate tasks Why didn t you just ask me to do that He might ask, instead of recognizing it as something that needs to be done and using his own initiative She is responsible for organizing parties and holidays, getting gifts for both of their families, and she must constantly remind him to call his mother.It may sound like nitpicking, but it is emotionally draining to always be responsible for what everyone else is doing It is also emotionally draining to feel responsible for defusing every argument, and to feel like it is probably just easier to do a task yourself than to deal with the trouble of delegating it.However, I think the major problem with the book is that it is presented as a study of emotional labor, but is actually a memoir of Hartley s personal experiences with her husband and kids She carries out very few interviews with other women, returning again and again to her own anecdotes I would have liked to see her do research reach out to women who are not white and middle class Her few attempts to touch upon other kinds of experiences seem to get buried under the repetitive descriptions of her own life.Emotional labor is a topic that could speak to many women, but I think only a small group will see themselves in this book I personally don t Blog Facebook Twitter Instagram Youtube flag 35 likesLike see review Nov 28, 2018 Jennifer rated it really liked it Shelves nonfiction, listened to audiobook, rdn, read 2018, feminism, gender studies, stand alone novel My husband does a lot He helps me out with the housework, he takes care of our children if I will be out, he will do anything I ask him to Personally, I think I m pretty lucky In response to praise such as this, author Gemma Hartley asks, Does he do a lot compared to other men or does he do a lot compared to you Emotional labor is the invisible job handed down to women of every generation to make sure the days run smoothly, the household is efficiently managed, and everyone is happy and My husband does a lot He helps me out with the housework, he takes care of our children if I will be out, he will do anything I ask him to Personally, I think I m pretty lucky In response to praise such as this, author Gemma Hartley asks, Does he do a lot compared to other men or does he do a lot compared to you Emotional labor is the invisible job handed down to women of every generation to make sure the days run smoothly, the household is efficiently managed, and everyone is happy and not inconvenienced It s the mental energy spent on managing and micromanaging, all without rocking the boat Hartley suggests that if women want help with this extra load, the options generally are, Do it alone, be a nag, or let it go , and any help that may be offered is met with the expectation of resounding gratefulness After all, they re doing us a favor It s our job Even when it s their house, too Their children, too Their life, too Note I am very fortunate in my partnership at home to have a spouse who shares home responsibilities Thank you, honey, for being my beautiful rarity xoxo.In Fed Up Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward, Hartley gives personal examples from her household, but also discusses how emotional labor has followed women into the workplace which I can personally attest to I ve had work positions in which the phone for our team was placed on my desk I was the woman, the subliminal secretary Committee assignments for female employees were themed with in office morale improvement and potluck birthday celebrations versus males who were assigned to out of office opportunities where networking could occuropportunity I could go on So could Hartley, and she does Women aren t fed up because we expect too much We re fed up because we re told we shouldn t expect anything at all We should just let it go as if it were so easy As if our work were so easily disposable Hartley suggests that all the dots connect to the underlying theme of undervaluing the work of women Hartley does a good job of pointing out the imbalance and how it hurts everyone It s not only a heterosexual issue, but it is a patriarchal issue, and when women accept this extra load without contradiction, when we continue to train the next generation to do the same, we naturally create a barrier for men and enable it to continue With honesty, she documents the results of her personal attempts at finding balance at home and it s clear that finding a solution will require much trial and error but it s worth it because we re worth it It starts with books like this that raise awareness and inspire dialogue Insightful reading material.My favorite quote It s OK to want flag 35 likesLike see review View all 9 comments Dec 27, 2018 Kelly rated it liked it Cathartic af, you guys To be honest, you can probably get the point and a measure of the release you might need on this topic from reading the Longreads article the author wrote which is essentially most of Chapter Three of this book , but man if you wanted like I did, this book is here to deliver the and another thing you need It also dives into underdiscussed groups that don t get enough voice on this women of color, stay at home fathers , and the last part does offer some ways Cathartic af, you guys To be honest, you can probably get the point and a measure of the release you might need on this topic from reading the Longreads article the author wrote which is essentially most of Chapter Three of this book , but man if you wanted like I did, this book is here to deliver the and another thing you need It also dives into underdiscussed groups that don t get enough voice on this women of color, stay at home fathers , and the last part does offer some ways forward that she recommends for spreading out the load of emotional labor a bit evenly in the future So there is some value here But I did feel that even for someone like me some who is 100% at the place in life where I m just waking up and seeing all of this going on and wondering how on earth I can get off the merry go round and neeeding to read this even for me it did get a bit repetitive by the end Hence the three stars But please don t let that diminish how important this message in and how much many many people need to know what emotional labor is and that it is labor understand its various faces and evaluate how they can help with it flag 17 likesLike see review Dec 07, 2018 Amanda rated it it was ok I was expecting a researched book given what a fascinating and dense topic this is I understand why the author would ve wanted to insert her personal experience at times, but she did so to such an extent that the end result felt closer to a memoir Ultimately, Fed Up left me with questions than answers flag 10 likesLike see review View 1 comment Oct 24, 2018 Cristine Mermaid rated it really liked it Shelves sociology I was excited to read this book because the blog post that had led to this book being written resonated so strongly with me I read it in a day and was not disappointed It s not a long book but there is so much in here that matters that I m going to take it chapter by chapter after my overview Overall, it s about women doing the vast majority of the emotional labor Invisible work mental labor , for the purposes of this book, we will call it emotional labor This review will be a bit mo I was excited to read this book because the blog post that had led to this book being written resonated so strongly with me I read it in a day and was not disappointed It s not a long book but there is so much in here that matters that I m going to take it chapter by chapter after my overview Overall, it s about women doing the vast majority of the emotional labor Invisible work mental labor , for the purposes of this book, we will call it emotional labor This review will be a bit personal because it was impossible for me to read it without the filter of my own personal experiences And I m certainly not blaming a person or particular people or saying that men are bad or anything like that It s not about demonizing anyone but about changing a culture that has put all of this on women I also understand that some will say that it simply isn t true because it s not how it is in their housethat may be true or maybe it s perception, but this isn t about the exceptions This is society in general And if it weren t so widespread and common, her blog post wouldn t have blown up like it did.This has been a source of resentment and frustration in my life since before I could give it a name This is a book that I could have written except for a couple of major ways my life differs from the author and that I differ from the author Chapter one How did we get hereThis chapter is about how women are socialized while growing up to do the emotional labor They are raised by a society that tells us that we are to cater to men emotionally and that it s our job to care for others The author talks about how she saw the females in her family doing this so she internalized it as normal.This is a major differing point between the author and me I did not grow up in a family where I saw the things she refers to because I was in a single parent household where the single parent was way too busy to do a lot of these tasks she refers to organizing social calendar, reaching out to relatives and friends on birthdays, doing holiday cards, etc etc etc The author does seem to assume that everyone grew up like she did which I found odd but then again, we are talking about general rather than exceptions Chapter 2 The Mother Load This is when a lot of women find the imbalance becoming severe It is still a society where parenting is seen as the mother s job and fathers are the helpers The outdated stereotype of the bumbling father who can t be trusted to watch his own child children is still played out on memes and sitcoms which I refuse to watch and in various other outlets This is ridiculous, not only does it give men an out for sharing full responsibility for their children, it is also incredibly insulting to them Chapter 3 Who Cares I ve actual got this part down I honestly do not care if people think I m dropping the ball because I m not tilling my organic garden for greens that I feed my children in morning smoothies This whole thing where women and men are so concerned about how they appear to others as parents is not an issue I deal with The author writes about how part of the problem is that she expects her husband to do things her way and I side with the husband on that Let it freaking go I have been on the other end of that Expectations need to be realistic You can t have a perfect showcase of a house when you are raising children, not without other things falling through the cracks and devoting your entire life to cleaning I don t do things like holiday cards and reminding anyone to call someone on their birthday , perhaps because I didn t see these things being done, it never occurred to me to do them The idea that they would even be MY job if I m in a relationship with an adult is nonsensical to me Chapter 4 It s Ok to Want More This chapter really resonated with me because I get so very sick of hearing about how dads are doing than they used to so they need to be praised for it constantly want a trophy too and that we just need to be grateful that they participate at all Bullsh t You can be grateful while at the same time insisting that someone else do their part, fully do their part It s not doing us a favor to pull your own weight Chapter 5 What We do and Why we do It this chapter is about how relentless mental labor is, how it occupies an incredible amount of energy and time that no one in the household sees unless something doesn t get done This is something I ve tried to explain but defensiveness is always the response which isn t helpful and simply silences When you have everything from thinking about what s out in the fridge, who needs new shoes, how is your child going to get to that activity when you are at work , the slipping of grades, paying the lunch bill this list could literally be a thesis so I will stop here , it s exhausting I had this wild idea that when I became a sahm, that I would finally have time to write I know, cue laughter here but what I didn t realize was how emotionally and mentally exhausted I would be from a day of doing relentless continuous physical and mental and emotional labor I had nothing left in me to be creative Chapter 6 Whose Work is Anyway This is about the fact that this is considered the women s job Why And how is it fair There is an idea that women naturally like to do it yes, some do but even they need appreciation and recognition for it generally and that women are naturally better at it some but not enough to consider it a majority This results in women being judged criticized blamed when something falls through the cracks and men being treated like they ve done their wife a favor for doing a household chore errand Are women really better at it or have they been socially conditioned to believe it s their job A lot of people will say but men take care of the car household repairs lawn in a traditional marriage and maybe they do but those things don t even come close to making up the difference The idea that those things are men s work and literally everything else is women s work is an unfair division This idea that men are helping when they do what they should be doing may seem like mere semantics but it isn t because it still places the burden on the women and gives him points for doing a favor Chapter 7 A Warm Smile and Cold Reality basically about how women are expected to always be pleasant and accommodating and are criticized harshly when they aren t.Chapter 8 Too Emotional to Lead about the ridiculous assumption that women can t lead because they are emotional Many other countries have had women Presidents and Prime Ministers and women have been leading for eons think Cleopatra so this doesn t even have a basis in reality Chapter 9 What Quiet Costs talks about the resentment that builds up because of the unfair division of laborChapter 10 Finishing the Fight references Betty Freidan s problem with no name and how we haven t finished that fight because now we are expected to do it all Why should we have to do it all When we have partners Chapter 12 Nature vs Nurture addresses the assumption that women are better at it because they are women when in fact society forms us to be a certain way And of course some women are naturally suited to the role but so are some men The interesting thing is that men generally have a period of living alone before marrying and manage to do things like notice what needs to be done around the house but once they marry, that switch goes off in many Subconsciously, they no longer see it as their job yet of course they are capable of noticing what needs to be done and doing it Men are intelligent aware human beings I give them credit than that The last few chapters are about what to do about it They are about actually making lists of everything that needs to be done to make partners aware of it all because usually they don t know what it takes to keep a household running It is about becoming situational aware There is this idea that if one parent takes one child to their physical and the other takes the other child, then well I did my part 50 50 but no, who had to remember the kids needed physicals and then go through the mental gymnastics and logistics of finding times that worked and scheduling them and being on hold, etc It doesn t sound like much but when you multiply it by exponential issues, it is It also discusses how many women criticize how a man loads the dishwasher, etcand I agree that anyone who does that, needs to stop If you want a partner to do their share, then you can t cut them down constantly Last chapter is about finding balance Things will never be 50 50 because of different phases and stages but one partner shouldn t be killing themselves while another one has time to pursue hobbies and hang out on the couch It s about making your partner aware of everything that has to be done and giving them ownership of those tasks having to constantly delegate is still work This was long but overall, I recommend this book to all women who are struggling with these issues It s about damn time we talked about it and no, even if one partner is a sahp, I don t think it should still ALL fall on them, that leaves one partner working 24 7 and the other getting to pursue what they want for hours a day outside of work even if they do the traditionally male things like lawn, car, repairs Being a sahp is work And in the vast percentage of marriages, both partners have outside jobs flag 8 likesLike see review Dec 19, 2018 Morgan Henley rated it it was ok Oof Stretching an essay that went viral to an entire book was a bit too ambitious for this one I felt half of the book was just repeating itself we get it, dads husbands don t clean or take care of kids as much as women do, no need to spell out every example and the anecdotes got repetitive and not very insightful I barely got through the 250 pages of this one The point she makes is very important and the mission was noble but I wish it had gone deeper, particularly in terms of at the work Oof Stretching an essay that went viral to an entire book was a bit too ambitious for this one I felt half of the book was just repeating itself we get it, dads husbands don t clean or take care of kids as much as women do, no need to spell out every example and the anecdotes got repetitive and not very insightful I barely got through the 250 pages of this one The point she makes is very important and the mission was noble but I wish it had gone deeper, particularly in terms of at the workplace Emotional labor goes beyond motherhood I also couldn t help but feel that some of her personal anecdotes about her husband were just cringeworthy I hope that guy isn t getting nasty hate mail She does do a nice summary of other work on this topic and that was interesting Otherwise, I d pass if I were you flag 7 likesLike see review Dec 04, 2018 Alison Terpstra rated it it was ok Man this book sucked I was so ready as this is a very important topic within feminism but she quoted Sheryl Sandberg in the opening chapter and I rolled my eyes Really I just feel research was needed into this it was all very personal and poorly supported when there is great information about this topic out there The conversations around REAL emotional labour are actually much in depth than this book provided She seems like a first year feminist theory student who got a book dea Man this book sucked I was so ready as this is a very important topic within feminism but she quoted Sheryl Sandberg in the opening chapter and I rolled my eyes Really I just feel research was needed into this it was all very personal and poorly supported when there is great information about this topic out there The conversations around REAL emotional labour are actually much in depth than this book provided She seems like a first year feminist theory student who got a book deal Disappointed flag 7 likesLike see review Sep 11, 2018 joni edelman rated it it was amazing Necessary I d like to see this be required feminist reading Gemma tackles The hard stuff here with insight and intellect Next step CHANGE flag 7 likesLike see review Dec 10, 2018 Gwendolyn B rated it it was ok I tip my Portland Trailblazers cap to Hartley for opening a much needed cultural conversation about an unjust but invisible division of labor between the sexes Combining research and interviews with courageously personal self disclosures about her own marriage, she walks us through the many facets of emotional labor, which she defines as the unpaid, invisible work we do to keep those around us comfortable and happy It is at this point, however, where she loses me because she takes Arl I tip my Portland Trailblazers cap to Hartley for opening a much needed cultural conversation about an unjust but invisible division of labor between the sexes Combining research and interviews with courageously personal self disclosures about her own marriage, she walks us through the many facets of emotional labor, which she defines as the unpaid, invisible work we do to keep those around us comfortable and happy It is at this point, however, where she loses me because she takes Arlie Hochschild s brainchild and creates her own free ranging definition Hochschild herself, by the way, sets the record straight in this interview It therefore made me grimace to hear the term emotional labor echoed throughout this book at drinking game frequency I understand with razor sharp empathy the message that Hartley is trying to convey and relate on a most personal level to her struggles But emotional labor in this book becomes a misnomer where a neologism is actually needed the problem that has no name, so succinctly identified by Betty Friedan, remains with out a name Sorry, Hartley I have no suggestions.I also felt put off by some of the over simplifications Christians, for example, are painted as a monolith Homeschoolers are, as well, leaving this free wheeling, feminist, homeschooling Episcopalian of a reader wondering which peg shape I need to be to fit into one of Hartley s holes Most difficult to bear, however, was the clear lack of editing and guidance I m all for an explosive conclusion, but this one flickered off gradually and tediously The final 3 4 chapters repeatedly feature phrases such as as I noted earlier and as I said, signaling that a late night spent with the editor and some Chinese take out would have done readers a great favor by condensing four final chapters into one Better yet, Hartley could convey her point even succinctly, perhaps as an article for Harper s Bazaar flag 6 likesLike see review View 2 comments Jan 29, 2019 Emmkay rated it it was ok Shelves 2019 reads, abandoned, gender stuff, non fiction It s been a long time since I haven t finished a book This one was a shame I was really interested in the topic of women s emotional labour, but thought the author had real problems expanding an article she wrote for Harper s Bazaar into a book There s some interesting information on a surface level, but it s very repetitive, an uneasy blend of would be social commentary and analysis with a self help tone And So Much About Her Marriage Not even juicy stuff Sock drawer laundry b It s been a long time since I haven t finished a book This one was a shame I was really interested in the topic of women s emotional labour, but thought the author had real problems expanding an article she wrote for Harper s Bazaar into a book There s some interesting information on a surface level, but it s very repetitive, an uneasy blend of would be social commentary and analysis with a self help tone And So Much About Her Marriage Not even juicy stuff Sock drawer laundry basket stuff I got about half way through, but just couldn t keep on flag 5 likesLike see review Jan 24, 2019 Rhiannon Johnson rated it it was amazing Read my full review on my blog here remember talking to girlfriends when The Break Up with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn came out We were discussing the scene where Aniston asks her man child boyfriend Vaughn to help her do the dishes after they have hosted a dinner party that she cooked and decorated for but hey he got her 3 lemons When Aniston says that she wants him to want to do the dishes and he just can t wrap his mind around that conce Read my full review on my blog here remember talking to girlfriends when The Break Up with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn came out We were discussing the scene where Aniston asks her man child boyfriend Vaughn to help her do the dishes after they have hosted a dinner party that she cooked and decorated for but hey he got her 3 lemons When Aniston says that she wants him to want to do the dishes and he just can t wrap his mind around that concept, my mind was blown I thought YESSSS This is where the disconnect is It s not that a partner won t help when asked but why should they have to be asked Why are they not aware of the steps that come before an end result For clothes to appear in a drawer cleaned, for food to appear on a table, for a dinner party to happen, there are massive amounts of tasks which need to be performed.When I first learned there were terms to define what I couldn t quite put my finger on about relationships, parenting, and domestic equality, I was in two college classes titled Gender and Work and The Commodification of Care This is where I first learned the terms second shift, invisible labor, and emotional labor I was a 31 year old mother and step mother working a 40 hour week retail job and taking a full college course load Crippling mental to do lists and endless tasks were part of my daily life and it is not a stretch to say I did everything that related to domestic tasks and parenting in my home on top of being a student and worker I remember specifically making a list of all the household family tasks I did on a daily basis to show my husband and asked him to please take something off the list He chose to pick up his own dry cleaning Not a huge sacrifice on his part but I d take it It was a start Then I would have to remind him to pick it up I was still in charge of this task because I was the one who was having to remember when it needed done Like a million other tiny tasks I decided to simply do the damn errand myself If I asked my husband to do something, he had no problem doing it, but that s exactly the point Why am I, and millions of mostly women, tasked with all of the invisible and emotional labor in a relationship and often in the workforce as well In Fed Up Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward, Gemma Hartley expands on her ultra viral article Women Aren t Nags We re Just Fed Up in Harper s Bazaar I was once again saying YESSSS because I felt like she was able to dive down to the root of the problem with her example of requesting a house cleaning service for Mother s Day While she definitely wanted the results of a clean house, what she really wanted was for her husband to make the calls, do the comparisons, set up the appointments all the invisible tasks the lead to the end result.Betty Friedan brought attention to the problem with no name in The Feminine Mystique, but she fell short by not including several demographics, most importantly low income women and women of color Hartley does not make this same mistake with her research She includes a variety of women and men of all income levels, backgrounds, and races She offers a few examples of the division of emotional labor in non heterosexual couples, stay at home fathers and lots of her own personal examples from her marriage I found a few of the sections a bit repetitive but I think that may have been necessary for a lot of readers who may be coming to the book with no prior knowledge of the concepts discussed As for recommendations, I started recommending this to everyone I know as soon as I read the first chapter Married women immediately order it when I tell them what it s about, I tell younger single women to definitely read it to prepare themselves and learn how to explain the concept to their partners an act of emotional labor in and of itself , I recommend it to men but so far I have yet to hear that any of them have done so flag 4 likesLike see review View all 4 comments Sep 18, 2018 Maggie rated it it was amazing This is a thought provoking book on the unseen emotional labor of women, how society has shaped both men and women s acceptance of this role, and what we can do about it While well researched it s also not a slog, and I read it in big gulps flag 4 likesLike see review Dec 31, 2018 Amanda Misiti rated it liked it By the end, I was exhausted by the topic of emotional labor Some good insights but I d recommend sticking to her Harpers Bazaar article I haven t read it but felt like this was too long for the topic flag 3 likesLike see review Nov 25, 2018 Jennifer rated it liked it Shelves audio books, nonfiction, women authors Worth listening to via audio The narrator, Therese Plummer, did an amazing job and doesn t sound at all like she s reading nonfiction They made a great choice I liked that Hartley referenced another book I read this year called Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu I thought this was great because it shows the author wasn t writing this in a vacuum and builds upon other works on this topic Overall, a good intro to the topic of emotional labor if this might be the first time you are really delving i Worth listening to via audio The narrator, Therese Plummer, did an amazing job and doesn t sound at all like she s reading nonfiction They made a great choice I liked that Hartley referenced another book I read this year called Drop the Ball by Tiffany Dufu I thought this was great because it shows the author wasn t writing this in a vacuum and builds upon other works on this topic Overall, a good intro to the topic of emotional labor if this might be the first time you are really delving in Personally, I got a bit tired of the self flagellation the author was doing in the why do I feel this way Can t I just get over it My husband already does than other men, so why am I still frustrated vein She seemed to need to justify her feelings and explain to the reader that it s not awful for women to feel this way and you aren t a horrible person if you do As a reader it got tiring after a while and I was like I get it and I m on board I understand and am not beating myself up over it Move on into the meat of what to do about it Given that I just read this, this article from The Atlantic interviewing the woman who coined the term on emotional labor about the scope creep of the definition is interesting flag 3 likesLike see review Jan 19, 2019 Debie rated it it was amazing People think I m weird when I say the only good sleep I get is when I m hospitalized They don t get it This author gets it though that blissful moment when one is officially off duty a moment that seemingly never comes unless under dire circumstances Only recently have I begun to finally acknowledge and recognize the huge burden of emotional labor in my life It does begin early, and for me, kicked totally into gear when I married a man with children from a prior marriage The day t People think I m weird when I say the only good sleep I get is when I m hospitalized They don t get it This author gets it though that blissful moment when one is officially off duty a moment that seemingly never comes unless under dire circumstances Only recently have I begun to finally acknowledge and recognize the huge burden of emotional labor in my life It does begin early, and for me, kicked totally into gear when I married a man with children from a prior marriage The day that I was judged and held responsible for kids who WEREN T EVEN MINE is crystal clear in my memory My step daughter was exhibiting atrocious behavior a common event and my husband s relatives immediately came to me, asking in effect what are you going to do about this while my husband, THEIR FATHER was seated right next to me It went on from there Managing their behavior, frantically keeping track of not only their schedules and needs, but my own two children after they came along Pulled in umpteen different directions, my public career crumbling in the wake of demands, ill children, and keeping the boat afloat of two busy working parents one of which was the ex wife Long forgotten now is my own career trajectory, a demanding and satisfying job that I took great pride in But, that s what one does, right However, all that energy has to go somewhere and so for me it went into creating a lovely and loving home, finally learning how to cook and bake, creating healthy menus, playing endless games with small children, making sure clothes were clean and actually fit, social life scheduled, bounteous christmases pulled off without a hitch and to great enjoyment of the rest of the clan And all of it, every bit of it, largely unrecognized So much to say on this, but the takeaway is that when work is unrecognized, it has no value When it has no value, the effort is invisible And when a life s work is invisible, so is the worker I am struggling with this notion in ways that I can t even put into words When the only way to get out from underneath the mountain of assumed responsibility is to either move to a remote beach or die, something is wrong flag 2 likesLike see review View 1 comment Nov 25, 2018 Jessica rated it it was amazing review of another edition Shelves favorites It s hard to overstate how valuable I found this book It s as if Hartley has taken everything I ve struggled to articulate about what goes on in my head on a daily basis and laid it all out, not just explaining what it feels like to carry the mental and emotional load in a marriage, but also figuring out how we got here and what we can do about it It s an odd but welcome feeling to have the patterns of your own marital conversations spelled out in detail on the page, but knowing that this is a It s hard to overstate how valuable I found this book It s as if Hartley has taken everything I ve struggled to articulate about what goes on in my head on a daily basis and laid it all out, not just explaining what it feels like to carry the mental and emotional load in a marriage, but also figuring out how we got here and what we can do about it It s an odd but welcome feeling to have the patterns of your own marital conversations spelled out in detail on the page, but knowing that this is a common pattern in partnerships across America and many other countries as well means that it s no longer enough to say, Things are the way they are because I m naturally organized and he deals with anxiety That can t be the case when millions of women in heterosexual partnerships have developed the same exact patterns, and that means it s not immutable.The path forward that Hartley prescribes is a both and solution It s expecting while letting go of perfectionism It requires men to step up a tall order when many men refused to even read Hartley s original article, asking their partners to summarize it for them Hartley is not naive or optimistic enough to say that women can solve this ourselves if we just did things differently, added another layer to our mental load But she also admits that the way forward is not just men need to do better It requires an honest look by both men and women at their assumptions, ingrained beliefs, stereotypes, and personal standards.Hartley spends than a token amount of time on the extra layers of emotional labor that exist for women of color, returning to this idea several times during the book and quoting a number of different women about their experiences She also, briefly, covers how this idea of emotional labor intersects with disability and gender identity, how those in marginalized groups are expected to educate and have endless patience with those who won t do the work of educating themselves There is an extended discussion of how emotional labor comes into play at work, particularly in the service sector, and how a woman in the public eye must balance the projection of confidence with the expectation that she make everyone feel comfortable and happy And there s a powerful chapter about how the expectation that women perform emotional labor perpetuates rape culture These may seem like digressions from the central conversation about emotional labor at home, but I think they are important for explaining why we need to find a new path for our children s generation where emotional labor is valuable but not gendered.Hartley does, to some extent, conflate emotional labor with the mental workload one of the criticisms of her original article but she also pretty clearly shows how the two are inextricably linked As she says, we keep track of the household management not for its own sake but because our family members are happier and comfortable when they have clean clothes and good food, when they can lay their hands quickly on anything they need, when they have a web of strong relationships maintained through responding to social invitations and sending holiday cards And maintaining the smooth running of the household also means getting others to do their part in a way that isn t perceived as nagging or picking a fight, which falls squarely in the realm of emotional labor The term is used as a shortcut, for sure, and stretched beyond its original meaning, but Hartley does the work upfront to explain how she s using the term and why.This book will, inevitably, be read primarily by women That is clearly the audience Hartley is writing for, not because she doesn t think we need men s help to forge a new way forward she does but because she knows that women for whom her original article resonated couldn t even get their partners to read the article, let alone an entire book That means that the men out there who believe they are notallmen, who consider themselves feminist allies, need to take the initiative to pick up this book and be able to read it not in a defensive posture but as a way to understand what the average woman in a different gender partnership is going through And then they need to recommend it to their male friends.That s not to say women shouldn t read this, because they definitely should There is a value in seeing your lived experiences reflected back on the page and in being given context and language to explain what s going on in your head And Hartley certainly has advice for women as well I think if this book were not seen as a women s book but rightly recognized as one touching on issues affecting all of us, then we might have a chance to forge the new generation of equitable relationships that Hartley envisions flag 2 likesLike see review Dec 25, 2018 Jo Ann Duff Duffy The Writer rated it it was ok Fed Up Why do women subconsciously take on the emotional labour of the home Is it years of deep seated patriarchy Or do we chose to be in control In 2017 Gemma Hartley wrote an article in Harper s Bazaar which quickly went viral Women Aren t Nags We re Just Fed Up was all about emotional labour, which was a new term for me to hear It s basically all the unpaid, unnoticed work completed by women to keep the home running smoothly and everyone happy and content.My first reaction to Fed Up, Fed Up Why do women subconsciously take on the emotional labour of the home Is it years of deep seated patriarchy Or do we chose to be in control In 2017 Gemma Hartley wrote an article in Harper s Bazaar which quickly went viral Women Aren t Nags We re Just Fed Up was all about emotional labour, which was a new term for me to hear It s basically all the unpaid, unnoticed work completed by women to keep the home running smoothly and everyone happy and content.My first reaction to Fed Up, the book borne by the Harper s Bazaar article was This is not relevant to me, I m not a working mum with chores piling up and screaming kids in my ear But, just as I thought about that and thought Fed Up wasn t relevant to me I thought again about my own life I automatically order the monthly groceries, book appointments, arrange dinners and calendars The cat needs to go to the vet I m the one booking that in We need a new couch I make it happen Going to a wedding I ensure we have an appropriate gift and sorted dress code acceptable outfits.Duffy s Thoughts On Fed UpMy mum ran the quotes and invoicing for my Dad s business for years, all unpaid and this was done when us kids were fed and bathed or in bed The females in my friendship circles and family are the organisers for trips and lunches and days out Why do we do it all Well, my partner isn t a complete lazy slob, he does all the kitchen housework, takes out the trash and separates the recycling without asking, and if the cats shed fur, he s first to the hoover But, when it comes to life admin, I m definitely the majority worker.Gemma Hartley refers to her Harper s Bazaar article frequently in Fed Up and discusses the reasons we take on the emotional labour, and also the benefits that come with taking on the mental load Would you really trust your partner to get the right gift for your best friends wedding Or, would you prefer to have the control and the accolade of the thank you I found Fed Up quite an interesting book at the outset because I had never considered all the extra I do, where the balance lies and how to address that But, after I while I felt it was a little repetitive and felt a little down seeing the words emotional labour spattered across the pages in paragraph after paragraph The examples are also squarely based on traditional family setups and the book is of a personal memoir than any real research and psychology But, today s families have blended families, same sex couples and single fathers doing the best every day and those people have the same life load I would have enjoyed exploring these dynamics too.An interesting topic, but Fed Up didn t keep me until the last page as it began to feel a little repetitive and I wish there had been a wordcount cull on the phrase emotional labour Maybe I don t feel the burden as much as others, which makes me pretty lucky flag 2 likesLike see review Dec 27, 2018 Caitlin Kunkel rated it it was amazing This is an essential, modern, necessary book that uses excellent reporting and the author s own personal story to pull on the threads of emotional labor and why it s such a key element of modern households and work environments Really appreciated this read and have gifted to several people already some very passive aggressively flag 3 likesLike see review Dec 06, 2018 Nikki rated it liked it Shelves feminism, nonfiction Eh, it s okay It s frustratingly heterosexual and focuses far on the dynamics within a relationship between a man and a woman which makes sense given the scope I suppose However it does show an inadequate analysis of same sex couples and doesn t move beyond acknowledging that they we also have difficulty dividing emotional labor but supposedly find it easier than heterosexual couples due to the lack of gender roles It fails to acknowledge that they we often divide up the emotional Eh, it s okay It s frustratingly heterosexual and focuses far on the dynamics within a relationship between a man and a woman which makes sense given the scope I suppose However it does show an inadequate analysis of same sex couples and doesn t move beyond acknowledging that they we also have difficulty dividing emotional labor but supposedly find it easier than heterosexual couples due to the lack of gender roles It fails to acknowledge that they we often divide up the emotional labor while having far less resources It s also fairly bad at branching out from the original context of emotional labor Yes, she does acknowledge it, but it s somewhat poorly done since she s applying emotional labor to unpaid work which is a novel sort of idea, but it s definitely not the same context of paid emotional labor under capitalism where the term was originally coined She does seem to fully understand the impact of emotional labor in the context of paid work from having worked retail childcare as well as referencing Arlie Russell Hochschild s work in detail It could have been a separate concept rather than what this book became it s just a bad analysis in terms of understanding heteronormativity and heterosexuality and that dynamic of emotional labor something that as a straight woman she can t quite overcome in spite of the efforts in this book The sections on people with multiple axises of oppression read a little clunky as well and could have been interwoven better, but the effort is nice Frequently referenced Betty Friedan which is nice and all, but we re beyond that and Friedan was a very homophobic woman flag 2 likesLike see review Nov 27, 2018 Ang rated it it was amazing This packs a punch It s a really PERSONAL book, which was fascinating, because it s also a really universal book It s also super practical towards the end I think I have a better idea of how to broach the subject of emotional labor with my partner, which feels really refreshing If Hartley s original essay was the distress call, this book is her follow up, her answering rescue I m super glad I read it, and I really highly recommend it for heteronormative couples, especially Both partners i This packs a punch It s a really PERSONAL book, which was fascinating, because it s also a really universal book It s also super practical towards the end I think I have a better idea of how to broach the subject of emotional labor with my partner, which feels really refreshing If Hartley s original essay was the distress call, this book is her follow up, her answering rescue I m super glad I read it, and I really highly recommend it for heteronormative couples, especially Both partners ideally, but even one, if the other is onboard with frank discussion of it flag 2 likesLike see review Jan 26, 2019 Alissa Carey rated it did not like it review of another edition Full disclosure I quit reading about 65 pages into the book I have no intention of finishing I m a chronic book finisher, even when it isn t exactly a really good book, so the fact that I quit without caring says a lot.The book seems to be marketed as something thought provoking and potentially research based around the roles of women I expected research I expected evidence I expected discussion of culture and attitude maybe some discourse on broadscale and pervasive impact that gendered e Full disclosure I quit reading about 65 pages into the book I have no intention of finishing I m a chronic book finisher, even when it isn t exactly a really good book, so the fact that I quit without caring says a lot.The book seems to be marketed as something thought provoking and potentially research based around the roles of women I expected research I expected evidence I expected discussion of culture and attitude maybe some discourse on broadscale and pervasive impact that gendered emotional expectations could have on women That s not what this is.This is a personal memoir about a woman who has over controlling tendencies when it comes to housework and childcare that are so extensive that she s essentially behaviorally modified her husband to expect to be told what to do and then to be corrected when he acts of his own agency Thus far, it s been 65 pages of her complaining about the unbalanced circumstances of her relationship dynamic without any insight as to the role she played in building this dynamic Through anecdotal wine dates and lunches and other upper middle class white woman nonsense evidence provided by her equally upper middle class white woman friends she s making assertions that we all women struggle with this dynamic She cites some research, which I can t discount the validity of, but overall she s supporting her wanking with a severely skewed biased sample of her peers.If you re a woman who has a lazy husband or you ve accidentally groomed him enabled him into expecting you to mother him as well as the children or if you have control issues and need to do everything in the house but also want to complain that your husband doesn t do anything right then, hey, this book might be for you May you find comforting solidarity in its pages.I, however, can t stomach it, and the judgments I m making are really making my inner feminist cringe because I want to support this woman, but I really just can t flag 1 likeLike see review Sep 25, 2018 Cari rated it it was amazing Hartley s in depth analysis of emotional labor and its implications across Western society breaks ground in this discipline Stemming from a Harper s Bazaar article Women Aren t Nags, We re Just Fed Up the book explores how emotional labor and its distribution affects everyone Emotional labor is the work we do to help each other out as human beings in the context of an American, privileged family, that s usually Mom scheduling doctor s appointments, making sure chores are on a rotation, Hartley s in depth analysis of emotional labor and its implications across Western society breaks ground in this discipline Stemming from a Harper s Bazaar article Women Aren t Nags, We re Just Fed Up the book explores how emotional labor and its distribution affects everyone Emotional labor is the work we do to help each other out as human beings in the context of an American, privileged family, that s usually Mom scheduling doctor s appointments, making sure chores are on a rotation, writing greeting cards, etc It goes further sometimes, to listening, empathizing, and making sure others are fully cared for There are so many important issues in this book, from emotional labor s role in the metoo movement to explaining it to people who just don t understand usually the spouse, for those of us who are fed up Hartley covers the insidious perfectionism that creeps into daily life, the consequences for those who don t fall into the privileged sphere, and the epiphany that we can t just let go of emotion work It s always going to be there we just need to share it equally, on the family level and on the societal level I wholeheartedly agree and look forward to recommending this book for those who need to understand this concept on a deep level flag 1 likeLike see review Jan 28, 2019 Feisty Harriet rated it liked it Shelves women and feminism The ideas and content behind Hartley s largest argument women do the vast majority of emotional labor for their families is solid The research is, perhaps, a little one sided, although I appreciate that in the last half of the book she talks a little about LGBTQ couples and the enormous load of emotional labor taken up by women of color However, somewhere in the middle the thought that kept coming to my mind was this is a little too much Gretchen, which is a thought I had after reading the The ideas and content behind Hartley s largest argument women do the vast majority of emotional labor for their families is solid The research is, perhaps, a little one sided, although I appreciate that in the last half of the book she talks a little about LGBTQ couples and the enormous load of emotional labor taken up by women of color However, somewhere in the middle the thought that kept coming to my mind was this is a little too much Gretchen, which is a thought I had after reading the later Gretchen Rubin books This is memoir than research, which is fine, but not what I was looking for It did not surprise me one bit when Hartley quotes Rubin extensively in her last chapters There was very little in the way of this is how you talk to your spouse about the division of emotional labor without it turning into a huge, months long or years long fight and I felt that would have been helpful Hartley also quotes Brene Brown in her last chapters, Brown is exceptional in teaching her readers HOW to have these discussions, where Hartley mostly just tells us that we should have them but it will be hard flag 1 likeLike see review Misti There was very little in the way of this is how you talk to your spouse about the division of emotional labor without it turning into a huge, months There was very little in the way of this is how you talk to your spouse about the division of emotional labor without it turning into a huge, months long or years long fight and I felt that would have been helpful Please, someone write this book Jan 29, 2019 06 27AM Nov 11, 2018 Alyssa Cardona rated it it was amazing Recommends it for Every woman and every man Recommended to Alyssa by Harper One Fed UP is the book every woman should definitely be reading come November 13th Gemma Hartley takes up the stand and makes it known to women that they are not alone in this journey that is emotional labor Gemma allows us to learn how day through day there exists a growing amount of stress given the work that every woman must put forward to be on top of everything and, i.e kids, chores, home, school, working, cooking, listening, etc the list is endless and how we as women are affected by it a Fed UP is the book every woman should definitely be reading come November 13th Gemma Hartley takes up the stand and makes it known to women that they are not alone in this journey that is emotional labor Gemma allows us to learn how day through day there exists a growing amount of stress given the work that every woman must put forward to be on top of everything and, i.e kids, chores, home, school, working, cooking, listening, etc the list is endless and how we as women are affected by it all to such a profound level due to the lack of visibility and help from the man in the household She gives us her own struggles and those of other women to make us aware and so make men aware of the weight we have on our shoulders She guides us on how to establish a conversation once again with our partners to bring them understanding of what needs to be changed, done and dealt with All in all she is leaving us with a great topic to discuss amongst each other and reinforcing us this dialogue is necessary for growth as an individual, a woman, a man and a couple Do yourself a favor and give this book as an early christmas gift to the ladies in your circle and also to the men Bravo Gemma flag 1 likeLike see review Nov 21, 2018 Carolyn Harris rated it really liked it Shelves women and society Fed Up is both a memoir of the author s marriage and a wider cultural analysis of how society views emotional labour Hartley writes with warmth and optimism about the frustrations caused by the organizational activities that appear invisible but make individual homes and communities run smoothly such as planning meals, remembering birthday parties and organizing Christmas cards In her own home, changing employment circumstances and better communication result in a equitable division of ho Fed Up is both a memoir of the author s marriage and a wider cultural analysis of how society views emotional labour Hartley writes with warmth and optimism about the frustrations caused by the organizational activities that appear invisible but make individual homes and communities run smoothly such as planning meals, remembering birthday parties and organizing Christmas cards In her own home, changing employment circumstances and better communication result in a equitable division of household labour, giving Hartley the space required to complete her book manuscript While much of the book is focused on the domestic sphere, there are also chapters that analyze perceptions of emotional labour in politics and the workplace Hartley concludes that a equitable division of emotional labour, in addition to setting boundaries around these activites and letting go of perfectionism, would benefit both men and women An interesting and insightful read flag 1 likeLike see review Jan 24, 2019 Elisabeth Britton rated it it was amazing This is everything I have ever thought about the upside down world of women and our lives in the home and in the work place It was so nice to have my thoughts put so eloquently into words and made me feel so good that I am not crazy and many others feel just as I do Thank you so very much Gemma flag 1 likeLike see review Jan 12, 2019 Kristen rated it liked it 3.5 stars Not a ton of new information here, though, this is an important book anyway Not to mention that the familiarity and solidarity is incredibly satisfying Her nods to disabled and trans non binary women felt quite deficient so there is still a great deal of thinking to be done there My favorite part was when she talked about going on a noticing bender Hilarious and so true flag 1 likeLike see review Jan 16, 2019 PipReads rated it it was amazing Yep It s a good one flag 1 likeLike see review Jan 16, 2019 Elizabeth rated it really liked it Shelves non fiction, parenting, read_2019, self help, audio books I really enjoyed Hartley putting into words something I ve felt like I was carrying around alone flag 1 likeLike see review Jan 13, 2019 Joanna Fantozzi rated it liked it review of another edition 3.5 stars While Gemma Hartley is a great writer and the subject itself is VERY important I was one of the thousands of women who had epiphany moments upon reading her original essay, even though I have only been in serious relationships and have neither a husband not children I did feel like this book was repetitive and slow to start The book s strengths were when Hartley drew on the diverse experiences of others and explored the history of emotional labor but Hartley kept returning to her o 3.5 stars While Gemma Hartley is a great writer and the subject itself is VERY important I was one of the thousands of women who had epiphany moments upon reading her original essay, even though I have only been in serious relationships and have neither a husband not children I did feel like this book was repetitive and slow to start The book s strengths were when Hartley drew on the diverse experiences of others and explored the history of emotional labor but Hartley kept returning to her own experiences and coming to similar conclusions which left me constantly skimming and thinking, yes, and I have to commend Hartley however for including the perspective of men in a thoughtful and non finger pointing way and for shouldering the responsibility of a balanced future on both genders shoulders flag 1 likeLike see review previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 next new topicDiscuss This Book There are no discussion topics on this book yet Be the first to start one Share Recommend It Stats Recent Status Updates Readers Also Enjoyed

    Fed Up Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward From Gemma Hartley, the journalist who ignited a national conversation on emotional labor, comes Fed Up, a bold dive into the unpaid, invisible work women have shouldered for too long and an impassioned vision for creating a better future for us all. Day in, day out, Fed Up Katie Couric, Stephanie Soechtig Narrated by Katie Couric, Fed Up blows the lid off everything we thought we knew about food and exercise, revealing a year campaign by the food industry aided by the U.S government to mislead and confuse the American public. Stop Calling Women Nags How Emotional Labor is Dragging Women Aren t Nags We re Just Fed Up Emotional labor is the unpaid job men still don t understand. Documentary Fed Up with rising childhood obesity CBS News May , The greatest villain to appear on movie screens this summer isn t a serial killer, terrorist or giant monster It s sugar How evil a villain is it According to the new documentary Fed Up If I Had Given Him Just One Bottle, He Would Fed Is Best Fed Is Best An organization dedicated to supporting every mom to feed her child safely and without shame It s No Surprise That Young Men Are Getting Fed Up With A post over at The Spearhead a few days ago brought up how men under are clued in about women than anyone other age group of men Several comments basically communicated the fact that men under are increasingly fed up with women Thanks for mentioning us younger guys. Fed up commuters assaulting MTA workers than ever More MTA employees than ever are being assaulted by customers, and workers say it s because riders are fed up with delays It s happening because there are so many delays and the Emotional Development A new study released in March indicates that storytelling can have an important role in the normal emotional development of a child The study indicates that when moms tell elaborated and emotional stories to their kids, they actually help their young ones develop emotional skills. Exclusive first look See Glenn Close as a fed up spouse Jun , Glenn Close stars in The Wife as Joan Castleman, a devoted wife to her Nobel Prize winning husband Joe Jonathan Pryce After years of marriage, Joan is fed up Fed up with acne starting a very low dose i.e mg a Fed up with acne starting a very low dose i.e mg a week accutane treatment

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    1 thought on “Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women, and the Way Forward”

    1. 2 stars.When I first saw the main title of this book those two words Fed Up before I even knew what the book was about, I thought of my mum I pictured her juggling the wants and needs of three kids after a day of work, arms full of laundry that she would load into the machine in between making us dinner I remembered distinctly the way she sometimes would find a rare moment to sit down and say with a tired sigh I m fed up Fed Up is for a modern woman than my mother My mum worked 2 stars.When I f [...]

    2. My husband does a lot He helps me out with the housework, he takes care of our children if I will be out, he will do anything I ask him to Personally, I think I m pretty lucky In response to praise such as this, author Gemma Hartley asks, Does he do a lot compared to other men or does he do a lot compared to you Emotional labor is the invisible job handed down to women of every generation to make sure the days run smoothly, the household is efficiently managed, and everyone is happy and My husba [...]

    3. Cathartic af, you guys To be honest, you can probably get the point and a measure of the release you might need on this topic from reading the Longreads article the author wrote which is essentially most of Chapter Three of this book , but man if you wanted like I did, this book is here to deliver the and another thing you need It also dives into underdiscussed groups that don t get enough voice on this women of color, stay at home fathers , and the last part does offer some ways Cathartic af, [...]

    4. I was expecting a researched book given what a fascinating and dense topic this is I understand why the author would ve wanted to insert her personal experience at times, but she did so to such an extent that the end result felt closer to a memoir Ultimately, Fed Up left me with questions than answers.

    5. I was excited to read this book because the blog post that had led to this book being written resonated so strongly with me I read it in a day and was not disappointed It s not a long book but there is so much in here that matters that I m going to take it chapter by chapter after my overview Overall, it s about women doing the vast majority of the emotional labor Invisible work mental labor , for the purposes of this book, we will call it emotional labor This review will be a bit mo I was excit [...]

    6. Oof Stretching an essay that went viral to an entire book was a bit too ambitious for this one I felt half of the book was just repeating itself we get it, dads husbands don t clean or take care of kids as much as women do, no need to spell out every example and the anecdotes got repetitive and not very insightful I barely got through the 250 pages of this one The point she makes is very important and the mission was noble but I wish it had gone deeper, particularly in terms of at the work Oof S [...]

    7. Man this book sucked I was so ready as this is a very important topic within feminism but she quoted Sheryl Sandberg in the opening chapter and I rolled my eyes Really I just feel research was needed into this it was all very personal and poorly supported when there is great information about this topic out there The conversations around REAL emotional labour are actually much in depth than this book provided She seems like a first year feminist theory student who got a book dea Man this book [...]

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